So I used to have two women in my life that I loved ever so dearly and I lost because I don't know how to shut up and let things be sometimes. First is Shawna. (this is Shawn and her oldest daughter who I have had the pleasure of meeting once)
My dearest love Shawna. We were so close in the Army until I deployed and she wasn't able to. When I got back she had been seeing a married soldier for a while, I didn't say anything about it because I didn't know who he was. She was secretive. Then she got prego and got out of the Army. They had their relationship behind his wife's back then he left Shawna for his wife and older daughter. Things got rocky and he went back to Shawna and she got prego again. He again left her for his wife and impregnated her. So he has two girls with each woman. Well I talked to all three of them on facebook trying to keep tabs on all of it. I just couldn't decide which little girls should not have their daddy. So I came to like the wife and feel bad for her too. This one man had hurt 2 women and 4 little girls. I was stuck in the middle trying to know everything to report to back to Shawna but when she found out I was friends with the wife she deleted me and refused to talk to me anymore. I got sucked into the situation and as a result lost my friend and her little girls. Shawna will never forgive me, she has told me on repeat occasions when I try to send her another apology. It has been two years now and she still won't talk to me...I still think of her all the time and miss her sweet smile. Shawna, I will always love you.
Then there was my Karen.
Me and my Karen!
Karen and I were two peas in a pod. There was no one in this world that I thought could be more perfectly fit to be my best friend then Karen. Karen and my dear close friend Matt got married after both of them cheated on their spouses with each other and then divorced them so they could be together. It was crazy. They were perfect as could be, he was so so in love with her. But apparently that was the downfall. He was so in love with her that it was interesting to her anymore. She started flirting around and then told him she didn't love him. So it ended badly, and he was my husbands best friend and my close friend. Karen was my best friend, I was upset that she openly cheated on him while they were together and hurt him so much. I couldn't stop being friends with either one so it was about balancing the time. Three years ago Matt came to see us and spent a week with us. We were having a great time and we were talking about old times before I married my husband and before he married Karen.
I had mentioned to Matt how Karen had slept with a guy before all of us were married. Apparently in all her confessions she had never mentioned it to him. She had asked me when they were together not to mention it to him for whatever reason I will never know. Well after they were divorced and no longer talked I didn't think it would hurt to ask him if she had ever told him about it. He said no calmly and I said well if you do talk to her please don't mention it then because I guess she still didn't want you to know. That night Matt got drunk and called her and yelled at her about it. It has been three years since I have talked to her, she wouldn't even answer the phone or an email or anything. I have tried talking to her thru other people and websites she is on but she won't even respond with an I hate you. I lost Karen and even now it hurts so deeply I can't even breathe.
Karen Blakely wherever you are out there, I love you.
I can't get these ladies back in my life and it makes me so sad to think of how different things could have been if I just hadn't said anything. I hate myself for losing them but there is nothing left I think that I can do. I have tried until my fingers hurt and my eyes are so blurry repeatedly and they still won't listen. I guess that they are better off without me, I know I am not.
Life is stinky sometimes.
Me and my Karen!
